


Racing Dreams

by Tsukino_Akume



Series: Two Sides of a Coin [2]
Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Gen, Grief/Mourning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-15
Updated: 2013-08-15
Packaged: 2017-12-23 13:02:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/926759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tsukino_Akume/pseuds/Tsukino_Akume
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Raleigh won't accept that his brother might be alive. Mako tries to understand why.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Racing Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer/:** I own nadda.  
>  **Warnings/:** Angst, Character with PTSD, language  
>  **Author's Notes/:** I tried to put this scene into chapter four of Two Sides of a Coin: Left Side, but it didn't felt right. I finally realized that while I wanted to show what more of was going through Raleigh's head, it doesn't work in that particular story because Two Sides of a Coin is about Raleigh and Yancy - this scene is Raleigh and Mako. And while it's them talking ***about*** his brother, it still doesn't quite work there. But it felt important to show, so I decided to give it its own one-shot instead.

He kept moving. Movement meant he didn't have to think. As long as he had somewhere to go or something to do or people to avoid, he didn't have to stop. There were always plenty of people in the Shatterdome, in one part or another. He just had to find them. Once he found them, he could focus on not running anyone over. He could focus. He could -

_"I found Becket's co-pilot."_

_"Well, I'll be damned. S'a bloody miracle."_

He burst into a sprint, dodging a group of techs carrying some equipment down the hall. They yelled something after him, but he couldn't hear what it was. It didn't matter anyway. 

_"I assure you Mr. Becket, no one is joking."_

_But it is a joke_ , he told himself. _It's a joke, a really bad, terrible joke. That's all it is._

He passed the same group of techs again. They were glaring at him now. He still didn't care. 

_Maybe it's all a dream? I'm gonna wake up, and I'll be back in my room at the motel, waking up for another day on the wall. And it'll be one of those days when I don't want to move, but I'll hear - I'll make myself do it anyway because that's just how it is._

He nearly ran over one of the scientists coming out of the labs. The tattooed one - Newt? He thought that was his name. The man looked startled, and then worried. 

_I've had dreams like this before. Where I wake up in the hospital and Yance is there and he's glaring at me for some stupid stunt. He'll rag on me for being such a moron, and why don't I ever listen, and then he'll ruffle my hair and call me an idiot._

_And then I'll wake up._

Yeah. It had to be a dream. And any minute now he'd be waking up, right when he was about to find out - 

_I don't want to wake up._

His lungs were starting to burn. 

_I don't ... I can't ..._

And then he slammed into Mako Mori and landed on his ass. 

It actually took him a moment to realize that he was on the ground, muscles aching and breathing hard. He shook his head, blinking up at her blearily. For such a tiny woman, she definitely knew how to plant her feet. 

"The marshall has been paging you for some time, Mr. Becket," she informed him, offering a hand and pulling him to his feet. 

He shook his head to clear it, trying to focus on her. "I didn't hear it." 

Her eyes were cold. "Perhaps you should pay more attention to your surroundings." 

He looked away. "Look, I gotta - " 

"You have been ordered to report to Lab 1 for testing." 

He froze. "I ... I can't right now," he forced out, trying to ignore the sudden cold sweeping over him. "I've got things to - " 

Her hand caught his arm as he passed, holding him in place. He flinched and jerked around to stare at her. He had to stop himself from attacking; no one had tried to touch him outside of a fight in years. 

Whatever Mori had been about to say, she seemed to pause, taking stock of him. "This is unlike you, Mr. Becket," she said at last. Her eyes were judging, but curious. 

He closed his eyes, struggling to find some measure of calm. _Mori isn't the enemy here_ , he reminded himself. _She's just following orders._ "I - " 

The hand on his arm dropped to his wrist, giving a gentle squeeze. "Please. Help me to understand." 

He swallowed, forcing himself to open his eyes. For a moment they just stared at one another as he tried to find the words. "Five years mourning my brother," he said at last, even though it wasn't exactly what he'd wanted to say. "Trying to drag myself out of bed everyday. Learning to live with the - the silence, in my head." He stopped, shaking his head. "The moment I saw Jon Wasser, I thought ... I ***knew*** , that I was looking at my brother's face. But I kept telling myself that it wasn't. I was just ... projecting Yance's face on some poor guy who didn't even know who I was. You know he even told me he lived in Alaska?" he asked abruptly. He forced out a laugh; his eyes felt hot. "I was trying to get to know him, so I'd stop thinking of him as ... " _As my brother_ , he finished silently. 

Mori's eyes had widened in horrified understanding. "No Mr. Becket, you misunderstand," she insisted. "Mr. Vasser suffers from amnesia." Her expression seemed to soften as he stared at her, and her tone became gentle. "No one was aware of it; he told no one of his past before he joined the Jaeger program. If he is your brother, he did not know himself." 

" ... Oh," he said eventually. He wasn't sure if knowing that that was supposed to make it better or worse. 

She was still watching him, considering. 

He looked away from her again. " ... I've had dreams like this." 

"Dreams?" 

He nodded, still staring at the wall. "I dream I wake up, and the last five years was just a nightmare, and Yance is there, and he tells me everything's fine and Knifehead never happened." He never teased him for it though, even in his dreams. Because they never teased each other over those kind of dreams. "Sometimes ... sometimes I even dream the first attack never happened. I wake up and it's 2013 and I have to get up and get ready for school. You ever have dreams like that?" He turned back to her expectantly. 

After a moment, she gave a slow nod. "Yes." 

He nodded, looking down and swallowing hard. "What if I'm dreaming again?" he asked quietly. 

There was a long moment of silence. 

"I cannot say if this is your dream, Mr. Becket," Mori said at last. "But there is a man who does not know who he is or where he came from. You are the only person who may be able to answer his questions." She paused, seeming to gather herself. "If I were to dream that my family was alive again," she said slowly, "I would rather take the chance that it was not a dream, then to never know what might be returned to me." 

He stared at the ground for what felt like an eternity. Finally he closed his eyes and nodded. "Okay," he whispered. "Okay."


End file.
